Million dollar bonuses for sucking

Dear Board of Directors of Large Investment Bank,

I do not have any experience in the finance industry, and my education had nothing whatsoever to do with business. However, I am confident that if you gave me the opportunity, I could run your company into the ground and reduce the share price by a significant amount. I believe it would be in your best interest to let me do this for a period of one year, for which I will be paid a total of one million dollars. If, after this one year period, you decide that you want me to stay on leading your company into a financial crisis, we will need to renegotiate to a higher salary. Since I am offering to do this for only a million dollars, I don't see how you can afford to refuse.

Thanks for your consideration,
Apsalar