Million dollar bonuses for sucking

Dear Board of Directors of Large Investment Bank,

I do not have any experience in the finance industry, and my education had nothing whatsoever to do with business. However, I am confident that if you gave me the opportunity, I could run your company into the ground and reduce the share price by a significant amount. I believe it would be in your best interest to let me do this for a period of one year, for which I will be paid a total of one million dollars. If, after this one year period, you decide that you want me to stay on leading your company into a financial crisis, we will need to renegotiate to a higher salary. Since I am offering to do this for only a million dollars, I don't see how you can afford to refuse.

Thanks for your consideration,
Apsalar

Morning Radio Shows

Why do morning radio shows only come in 2 flavors: boring and awful? Sometimes I listen to the boring shows, and they start to annoy me really fast because the hosts have the most stupid banter with each other, and with callers, and they never say anything interesting or funny. They trip over each other with their sucking-up laughter, and their pointing out the obvious. So dumb. So I get bored and switch to one of the other types of shows. They never use the word "woman" when "bitch" or "slut" or "chick" will do. I live in the Bay Area, which is overwhelmingly liberal, so of course the morning talk show people have to say antagonizing things so that people will call in to either be indignant (and entertaining) or even worse (and entertaining). I don't find this entertaining. I find it trollish. So then I switch back to the other show, the boring one, and remember why I don't listen to it anymore. The whole thing is terrible. I like Morning Edition on NPR, but it goes off usually while I'm in the car on the way to work, followed by Fresh Air, which I don't really like. There are no good solutions.